Freemasonry for Everyone!

I was sitting at the light the other day. In front of me was a car with a license plate that read ‘I♥MSNRY’, and below it were written the words, ‘Master since 1997’. I thought, that’s a little odd, isn’t it? What was this guy thinking? What was he like at his lodge meeting?

“Hey, Barry, don’t you just love this Masonry? I love it. And I love you guys, you charmers! I wanna tell the whole world!’

“Yeah, Jeff, you know, we wanted to talk to you about something that we saw on your car-”

“Don’t tell me, you want to help me out with a job for my son at a local garage. You guys are so nice, I can’t tell you, I just want to shout it from the rooftops!”

“Well, actually that’s what we wanted to talk to you about, Jeff, it’s this enthusiasm that we think might be getting just a touch out of hand—“

“You mean I’m a bit over the top? You know, my wife tells me that but she’s just so over the moon about what Masonry is doing for me, she lets me ….well… live a little at times! The other day I was chatting with the neighbours about our lodge meetings and the camaraderie and –“

“Jeff, Jeff, just stop a moment, please, will you? Jeff, I’m not sure you’re quite understanding what Masonry is all about—“

“No, no, Barry, let me just stop you for a moment, my friend. I do understand, I do. I love it. All the meetings and the special perks for the members and the solidarity. I love the symbols and that stuff about the handshakes. I tell you, when someone gives me the handshake, I can’t resist it, I just have to give the guy a big hug. I’ve got some funny looks but I can’t help myself!”

“Jeff, STOP, STOP! We’re supposed to be a Secret Society, with the emphasis on ‘secret’! We don’t advertise. We don’t tell people what we do. We’re devoted to The Cause. So …..the license plate with I©MSNRY, it’ll have to go. I’m sorry. The stickers on your son’s stroller in pink letters saying ‘My dad’s a Freemason, so what does your dad do for friends?’, they’re coming off. And finally, that sweatshirt, it’s in terribly poor taste. I mean, we’re a formal, semi-religious society.  ‘Handshakin’ rattlin’ and rollin’, Don’t get stoned, get Masonry’, it’s just not on. I’m sorry, Jeff, but you’ll need to go through a re-education process. I’m sorry. And until then, no privileges.’

“No handshakes?”

“No handshakes.”

“No stickers?”

“No stickers. I’m sorry.”

“My Masonry gum is out too I suppose.”

“Yup.”

“Masonry’s supposed to be secret, huh? Hmmm. That’s a pity. I guess I don’t really fit in around here then.”

“Nope.”

“I’m sorry, man. I’ll try to be secret. I’ll try. I love you guys, man. (Pause) Hey, (looking at watch). I’ve gotta rush. I’m pickin’ up an order of ‘Masonry  flagstones.’ Gotta run.’

 

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